For quite a while I've been sitting here, absent, in front of my laptop, with thousands of thoughts invading my mind, right as I'm typing here, desperately trying to grasp a few of them. Nothing new or special. Just me being myself.
My days are all the same, and I have found myself entangled in monotony, out of which, by the way, I am too comfortable to bother to escape. Not even a little squirming. I wake up - or rather I am woken up at 7-7:30am, I meet up with my friend and drag myself to classes, survive a few hours, only to return home and sink back into my usual state. In the evening, it comes to me that I am waiting not for the day to end, but for something to happen. But nothing ever does.
There are times when through this absence of mine I notice how some things are different, in a way that I cannot figure out. Either that or it feels like I'm in a totally different world than where I'm supposed to be, a world that looks and behaves exactly the same as the one I am used to. Maybe it's just me. In the end I have an imagination that tends to wander, often leaving me behind, and I end up surprising myself time and again.
I feel tired, worn out, I lack the will to do anything at all anymore. I even have trouble convincing myself to get up and go grab something to eat, but maybe I will drink some coffee. On an empty stomach. Heart and stomach issues in the horizon. So what? Maybe I'm changing. For the worse. Slipping away day by day. I couldn't care less about myself. I'm the only person who I will never be understanding with. That's right. I will never have patience with myself.
I am floating along, going where the wind takes me, no aim, nothing to motivate me. But I am hoping. Waiting... Waiting for someone to come along, take my hand again and smile at me, then lead me to where I belong. Maybe I belong nowhere and nobody will show up anyway? I do not know. My senses are screaming at me, telling me that I am not waiting in vain, but then again, let us not forget about my imagination.
So in the end I made myself some coffee. I bring it to the PC, sit down, and I space out. With no specific thought in mind, I log on my account on an online game, leave my character standing in the middle of the path, turn to my laptop, talk to a few people, check my mail, randomly browse a few sites, then I snap out of it and realize how I've basically done nothing, but barely have any memory of the past hour - or even hours.
Also, my coffee has gone cold
My days are all the same, and I have found myself entangled in monotony, out of which, by the way, I am too comfortable to bother to escape. Not even a little squirming. I wake up - or rather I am woken up at 7-7:30am, I meet up with my friend and drag myself to classes, survive a few hours, only to return home and sink back into my usual state. In the evening, it comes to me that I am waiting not for the day to end, but for something to happen. But nothing ever does.
There are times when through this absence of mine I notice how some things are different, in a way that I cannot figure out. Either that or it feels like I'm in a totally different world than where I'm supposed to be, a world that looks and behaves exactly the same as the one I am used to. Maybe it's just me. In the end I have an imagination that tends to wander, often leaving me behind, and I end up surprising myself time and again.
I feel tired, worn out, I lack the will to do anything at all anymore. I even have trouble convincing myself to get up and go grab something to eat, but maybe I will drink some coffee. On an empty stomach. Heart and stomach issues in the horizon. So what? Maybe I'm changing. For the worse. Slipping away day by day. I couldn't care less about myself. I'm the only person who I will never be understanding with. That's right. I will never have patience with myself.
I am floating along, going where the wind takes me, no aim, nothing to motivate me. But I am hoping. Waiting... Waiting for someone to come along, take my hand again and smile at me, then lead me to where I belong. Maybe I belong nowhere and nobody will show up anyway? I do not know. My senses are screaming at me, telling me that I am not waiting in vain, but then again, let us not forget about my imagination.
So in the end I made myself some coffee. I bring it to the PC, sit down, and I space out. With no specific thought in mind, I log on my account on an online game, leave my character standing in the middle of the path, turn to my laptop, talk to a few people, check my mail, randomly browse a few sites, then I snap out of it and realize how I've basically done nothing, but barely have any memory of the past hour - or even hours.
Also, my coffee has gone cold
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